then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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