just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
