Grow some girl-balls and come out already
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
