Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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