Dude my mom stole all your condoms
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
