Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
