You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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