so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
