I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Omg I joined a choir last night...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
