i already hear my dad disowning me
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
