She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
