The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
