I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
