I heard we made out
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
