Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize