i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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