Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
