Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I came so hard my ears popped.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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