I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
