I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
