I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
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