Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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