do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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