so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
