You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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