i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
