I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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