he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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