So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
