It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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