so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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