So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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