Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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