dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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