is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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