ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
