so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
