im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Boobs speak an international language.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
