his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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