No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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