Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
