Define "chronic" masturbator.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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