This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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