I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
