every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
