Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
