the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
