Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
If that was your dad, he is hot
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
