Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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