Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
