I got chris browned last night
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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