and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
