Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
