Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I intend to get homeless drunk
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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