you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Well I just put wine in my tea
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
