So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
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