What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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