i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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