Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
